"Goodbye" - Patty Griffin

"today my heart is big and sore, it's tryin' to push right through my skin. won't see you anymore, i guess that's finally sinkin' in..."

sum

Somethings
no matter how hard its tried
sometimes
no matter how many hours are placed between
somebody
no matter how many somebodies are met
some ships
no matter how many capsized
some nuggets
no matter how deep a hole is dug and covered
some days
no matter the sun that shines or smiling faces
some dreams
no matter how quickly we try and escape them
some songs
no matter the one who sings them
some words
no matter the mouth that speaks them
some faces
no matter the love that erases
some times in life, you've just got to carry your cross,
some days of the year, you've just gotta suck it up and take it,
some moments, some decisions,
some lies and some truths, you've got to learn how to swallow
either way, some hopes
some say are better left forsaken.

Thankful

Today I am.
Thankful for the joy of forever friends.
The ability to share, ourselves.
Thankful for music and the discovery there of.
Thankful for memory and the knowledge that sometimes you've just got to forget.
Thankful for accessibility. and thankful for turning it all, off. Thankful for being still, sometimes.
Thankful for turning away and thankful for turning in.
Thankful when things are clean and for a hot, home cooked meal.
Thankful for family.
Thankful for the innocence of a child, its true.
Thankful for the ability to dance, the freedom to sing, thankful for willpower.

Thankful for more than this, but this is what I've got for now.

"Name" - Goo Goo Dolls
Absolve
Absolutely.
And love really is what its all about, really is the simplest answer.
The easiest cure, quickest of all pills to swallow.
Living life sort of backwards, learning--now, how to live without regret
Regretting only that negativity itself is captivating, recapturing
my
self.
And even when sometimes, you can see yourself laughing from the outside
And even when sometimes, those phone calls are never returned, words never answered
You are learning to find a smile, reclaiming that which was your claim.
To know and be forever, known.
Giddily lept into arms, clasped
wrapped, weeping wonder
rapture
raptured--left forever, what once
never ever could have been.
Running, dancing, dreaming, living, filled with--the stuff of it.
To live it and forget that you ever once just could
not breath.
Just breath. Find belief. Take hold of it and
reclaim.


After all of this I'm always still just one step away from it.
Reclaiming me.

How can you stay outside? There's a beautiful mess inside

"Far Far" - Yael Naim 

Sometimes, even still, there is music that'll sneak up on me and still completely astonish me. The fact that there is someone out there experiencing, like i've said before so many times, the exact same sort of living that I am and is able to express, not just the words but the notes that perfectly pair with, IT.
Those times going on that no one else can understand, but this random person, in some random place, with her own random experiences that somehow fell into rhythmic place with mine.

And it makes me want to share it with the whole wide world.

just dance.

"Many The Miles" - Sara Bareilles 

Today, after being completely mesmerized by one too many episodes of "Dancing with the Stars", I choreographed an impromptu ballet/hip-hop dance put on for a completely captivated audience of 2, The Fish Guy and the dog....Oh dreams of grandeur never realized...

I can remember how agonizing it was to try and get me to go to ballet class, especially when it required tights or wearing anything pink, I was not the most compliant little girl by any means. I do, however, remember having a love for jazz and those sassy black shoes that came with. I remember the excitement of costume day that seemed to make the many torturous hours standing in line at the bar worthwhile. I spent the better part of ages 3 to 10 at the Dance Centre, tapping my little heart and whining the whole way through. I choose soccer over dance the split second I was given a chance and never looked back, until now that is.
I watch longingly as those incredibly spirited individuals spill their souls, contorting and twisting their bodies in ways that leave even the viewer breathless. A grace and power no athlete could ever hope to achieve. The ultimate compliment to any good song, to be able to move and sway your body that everyone around you just gets it. Telling the whole story without a word...

To be young again. To be able to do it over, appreciate what once I came to abhor. These are things your parents warn you about, don't give up now, you'll regret it, live for each moment because time surely flies by...and it's reminders like this that remind me that I still have time to dance. That I can still take these feelings bubbling up inside and trip my way across my very own dance floor.

Whether it be the carpet in my living room, the podium at graduation, my best friend's wedding reception, or in a room filled with children arms flailing, laughter filling....suddenly I find it hard to remember what it was I regretted about living this life.

Reconciliation - Liz Story

Click & Listen

practice

I cannot wait to braid our little girl's hair one day.
I imagine threading, turning, and twisting each little piece of hair on their heads to form perfect little french braids. I imagine their inevitable brown head little selves all lined up on Easter morning, in their matching dresses. I imagine an especially adorable little one with jet black hair, snuggled up close to her oldest sister, inseparable best friends. I imagine little brown and black haired boys, with permanent dirt stains on their knees, rushing clumsily around from the backyard to line up with their sisters, the littlest one lagging behind and his daddy scoops him and carries him over on his shoulders...I imagine braids and my heart trails off into the bigger, better, fuller dreams of family, of future. I dream and my heart swells.

But until that day comes I will continue to practice with all my might, perfecting the braid that will one day adore the greatest blessing we have yet to experience.

"you are my hiding place; you will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance.
Selah"
Psalms 32:7

 "I Dreamed a Dream" - Glee

truths #2

"Starting Now" - Ingrid Michaelson

Tomorrow...
I plan to run 4 good miles.
Tomorrow...
I plan to put together a comprehensive list of study "musts" and then to sit down and complete each one.
Tomorrow...
I plan to pack and take my lunch to school (and REPEAT).
Tomorrow...
I promise to check all media outlets only ONCE during the entire day.
Tomorrow...
I pledge to listen, engage at least once, and take good notes in each and every class.
Tomorrow...
I will wake up early and begin my quiet time, I will immerse myself in the Good Word, with a good cup of coffee and relaxing music.
Tomorrow...
I am going to wake up with a positive outlook, a hopeful attitude, and a joyful spirit.
Tomorrow...
Is going to be just a little bit different than today.
Tomorrow...
I refuse to dwell in what I CANNOT and focus on who I know I can, be.

I sure can't wait until tomorrow.

Sunday Snapshot: abilities

Today as I was making the hour and a half trek back home from my sister-in-law's I stopped along the way to pick up Panera old faithful for dinner. :) Although I do enjoy the epic sing along that occurs in my car on any and every drive I got just a little bit antsy and with it resulted one of my few hidden talents.

Yes my friends I am one of those few, one of the proud who can indeed wear a spoon on the tip of my nose. With the commencing of said spoon wearing I began to think about all of the random special anatomical abilities I possess.

There's the crossing one eye ability.

Bending my middle three fingers at only the most distal (closest to the tips) joints.

And then of course the platisma (tendons of the muscles in your neck) pop out routine.

Not to mention the undocumented gerbil-like throat noise. It gets'em every time.

As I thought about all of the random this and thats I can do with my body (which I like to think are pretty cool). I started thinking about all of the bigger life special abilities I possess. 

Like my extraordinary ability to consume inordinate amounts of coffee.

Or how I cannot just jot down a quick "Thank You" note, I feel the need to make each and every one personal and poetic. 

And along the same lines how I really can write some pretty poetic things sometimes. And how those things can give me chills when I read them back later on.

How I have this uncanny ability of making my voice carry for miles without even trying, really.

How I can form very deep, immediate bonds with people--how I prefer to be a part of the few, not the gaggle or school.

 How I know it in my bones that home is really where the heart of life is. Or how I have the reflexive ability to remember words of song I've heard two or three times; or even words of songs I heard some 15 years ago...
"I'm goin' down to the library, gonna get a book check it in check it out. Gonna say "Hi" to the dictionary, gonna get a book check it in check it out..." Yes. As a matter of fact that was our Kindergarden graduation song. :)

How I'm directionally challenged (while my husband is a living, breathing GPS), how I have a compulsive need to chomp ice, how I am lacking in modesty, reservation, and even sometimes discretion. Sometimes things that are seemingly shortcomings, are really blessings in disguise. And sometimes things you wish were abilities, well sometimes I've just gotta learn the hard way how to grow up and out of said temperamental habits.

What are your hidden (or not so hidden) talents and abilities?

our wedding day: part 2

 Jason and I choose to get married in the chapel on the campus where we first met. The campus where I spent many a day running for cross country, where I spent every summer working at camp, and where we first met, became quick friends, and even more quickly fell in love. It's a very simple, traditional chapel decorated mostly by the light that filled it in the early afternoon on our wedding day. It was a pretty perfect day.

 Jason's mom has this way of bringing out the absolute best in every single human being she encounters. She has taught me what it means to speak truth and light into every situation, guard your heart while at the same time encouraging with all of your might the one you love, and exemplifies to me the epitome of what it means to be a truly joyfully hospitable person.

 PS. I lucked out with this handsome man huh?

 He is my constant stronghold. Filling my heart with love, my mind with truth, and my spirit with constant words of affirmation and humor. Constantly challenging me to grow and inspiring me to mature as a woman and a faith-filled future mother.

He always keeps me real. With myself, with the current situation, with my perspective on life. He keeps me from going down the road of negativity and depression that I tend to like to stroll down. And he amplifies all the good in life that most have forgotten. He is my reminder of how good life could, and should be. How good it is. He also hates to wake up early (which I love), hates to draw attention to himself (which I thrive off of), hates to hold people up in line and love to do whatever he can for any and every human being he comes into contact with (i'm a little more selfish and I have a hard time sharing). He is quiet, I am brash (at times) and loud. He is respectful of personal space, I am a constantly chaotic tornado...

He is my quiet place and my constant possibility. :)

i do declare.

"What It Means to Be Human" - i am jen 

Somedays I find myself in a very apathetic state about well, pretty much everything. These are the days I like to spend googling my favorite televisions shows and watching one after the other curled up on the couch. A horribly unproductive position to be in, I know, but also sometimes very much necessary to just unwind the mind. However, that being said it is very, VERY easy for me to get stuck in a routine of sorts and fall into a semi-permanent apathetic state. Which is never a good thing. I feel like it is necessary to remind myself, during times such as this as melodramatic as it may seem, that we are not promised every tomorrow. I know there is no reason to ever beat myself up for taking a day off from exercise or for spending a day away from my school books, BUT I also know that I have to keep myself in a close and careful check so as to insure that I do not settle into that permanently relaxed state. Because extended relaxation turns into apathy and apathy in my case quickly turns into disillusionment.
It is imperative to stay connected to life and the true intent of living. It is imperative to continue to constant ebb and flow of intensity activity and just breathing. This is a declaration to myself to remember this, to remember that I only have this allotted amount of time and so I need to put it to some darn good use!
Always take a step back, do a daily evaluation of myself, my attitude, and my intention for the day. And lastly, get to the darn thing and don't stop until it's done! Because realistically, we all feel so much better when our plate is sparkling clean then when it is filled to the brim.

our wedding day: part 1

The morning of the wedding I'd like to say I remember what it felt like to wake up that morning knowing that today was the day everything would change. I do remember staying up late because of course I had yet to pack for the honeymoon and of course my mom was packing everything for me helping me pack everything at around midnight when we finally got home from the rehearsal event. I was completely useless, I just laid on the bed like a zombie with mountains of clothes all around me wanting nothing more than to fall fast asleep. Thank the Lord for my Moma and that last night in the house I'd spent my entire 22 years growing up in. There were no teary eyes, no reminiscing of moments when I was a baby; it was perfectly us, perfectly normal, and perfectly comfortable. It was the perfect way to spend my last evening as a Ms.

 The morning of the wedding began with hair appointments for me and all my ladies with the only woman I trust with my hair. She has done my hair for every single homecoming, prom, not to mention saved me from all of my rainbow of failed dyeing attempts. It was imperative to me that I have her on this day. The salon also provided bagels from Panera (YUM) and fresh fruit for us that morning. My good friend/God-send Amanda got up bright and early to bring me my necessary Starbucks for the big day. I love that woman (pictured below with the sleeve of glory on her arm). She also gave me the "Soon to Be Mrs. Shank" robe which I ended up wearing pretty much every single day of our honeymoon.

 Apparently it's necessary to tease the mess out of your hair...

 And then magically it becomes something beautiful....

 And your sister/MOH looks on with a joyfilled smile...

 and, like I said, I never doubted her skill because she always keeps it simple, elegant, and beautiful.

 She even did my make-up for me. I felt completely at ease and serene the entire morning....

 There was nothing but smiles and laughter as the girls spent the morning putting their own special twist on each of their hairdos. I am so thankful we decided to get married in my hometown. There is something about that little place that sets everything within me at ease. When I am surrounded by so much familiarity it is hard not to just be. It is hard not to experience anything but intended happiness.

 Not to mention I got to spend the morning with this sweet little face. :)

I cannot think of a more supportive core group of women in my life to have with me on the morning of our big day than these six. Jason's sisters, my sister, me, my best friend from college, best friend from high school, and best friend since birth. The circle was so full and complete that morning and it only served to amplify the reality of what was to come later that day...

"I Am Not Yours"

I am not yours, not lost in you,
Not lost, although I long to be
Lost as a candle lit at noon,
Lost as a snowflake in the sea.

You love me, and I find you still
A spirit beautiful and bright,
Yet I am I, who long to be
Lost as a light is lost in light.

Oh plunge me deep in love -- put out
My senses, leave me deaf and blind,
Swept by the tempest of your love,
A taper in a rushing wind.

- "I Am Not Yours" - Sara Teasdale


Sometimes you stumble upon these little snippets of someone else that speak directly into your life at that very moment. Sometimes someone else, someone who died well before you were every even contemplated upon, sometimes they got what you are only just now experiencing in such a way that it instantly revolutionizes the way you originally understood, well, yourself. It changes the way you understand your very own emotions and that is something very few people can do with three simple verses. It is only amplified when much later put to music.
What an impassioned way to say something otherwise lost on most.

Sunday Snapshot: firsts

Yesterday my sister-in-law (Annie) and I threw my other sister-in-law (Maggie) her very first shower for her very first little one. This will be my very first nephew and it was also the very first shower I have ever helped throw. It was also the first time I've seen Maggie since she has begun to "look" pregnant. I feel like a little kid waiting for Christmas whenever I think about my nephew being born. It's that childlike excitement I was kind of worried you grew out of as you got older. The kind that fills up your whole stomach and you can't help but chatter and sing really loud just thinking about them. I've just realized that God saves that feeling for us as adults for those really big, life changing, joy-filled moments so that we don't take them for granted. He's pretty smart like that.

Annie and I decided to use baby books to decorate with. Considering that my future children are pretty much my number one favorite thing to daydream about I knew exactly which books I wanted to get for my little nephew, the same ones I loved growing up and the same ones I imagine reading to our kids one day. :) I was only able to find two of them yesterday, but it's already got my mind turning about a few used book store visits in my near future. (When did and why are children's books so goshdarned expensive now??? $8??)

"Goodnight Moon" and "The Poky Little Puppy"

I also made the cupcakes. :) She is decorating his room in a nautical theme so I had fun decorating with sailboats and greens and blues.

And of course no baby shower (or blog entry) would be complete without my two favorite little ones making an appearance.

Sportin' Aunt Gie Gie's boots

And then Isabella took some time to take a few artistic photos of her own. I gave each one it's own title for posterity's sake (whatever that means). :)

"Emerging Aunt Lauren" - Isabella, age 4

"Dino at my Feet" - Isabella, age 4

"Princess Shoes (Ariel view)" - Isabella, age 4

It's hard to explained just how blessed we are as a family. Or just how adorable my sister-in-law is pregnant with her cowboy boots on. :)

I am so thankful for all of the little ones and the little ways God continues to whisper his intent for me in life (as a mother). I also know that as much as I would like to expedite the process, he is also making it glaringly clear that we've both still got a little growing up to do (oh you know and a little schooling to finish).

Jason's parents came to spend the night with us last night and his mom and I spent some time talking about everything, including my parenting dreams. I talked to her about my dreams of adopting, of overseas adoption and special needs adoption and I can't help but be continually thankful for how simple the seed that was planted by a little blog called Ni Hao Ya'll has grown in my heart to be an assuredly hopeful truth in our future. Again, funny how God works in the most mysteriously simple ways. I also accidentally spilled the beans about one of our baby names...yes sometimes I get a little carried away with the excitement of possibility. But it was one of those serendipitous moments that could not be ignored, and the look on her face and truthful assurance in her voice as she spoke of the testimony in the name made me even more sure than ever of God's working in our hearts...

Chaotically Imperfect (even in the silence)

"Dear Chicago" - Ryan Adams and the Cardinals

Sometimes all I wish
is for my wondering mind,
in all it's crafting, perplexing artistry--
sometimes I just wish it'd be still.
and I wish for these antsy hands, with their fumbling, finicky fingers
to grab hold of each opposing and maybe just rest for awhile.
and these roaming eyes with their far and away glance,
and this bumbling mouth with its sputtering lips and spitfire tongue--
I wish they'd all just come to a consensus on an extended vacation, buy a one way ticket
to an island real far away. and maybe they could even share a cocktail
and a room with a sign claiming, "Do Not Disturb", rent it out on an extended stay.

Sometimes I just wish
for a little rest for an overdriven mind, maybe just a little soothing of these callused hands.
It'd be nice to spend a day with a pair of future-focused eyes,
and lips with just a little more mature assurity.

Sometimes I just wish for a moment to just be quietly,
a moment to breath and give thanks.

i enjoy

*I wrote this list two years ago in an online journal long since forgotten. It is amazing how I can read this list and each and every single thing on it still brings a huge smile to my face. I am a simple girl with simple joys in life. :)

"I Love the Rain the Most" - Joe Purdy

Wednesday, March 05, 2008
current mood: blissful
i enjoy

late nights with myself.
the way that a soft tipped pen feels on a clean sheet of paper.
turning my paper sideways to write with my left hand.
phone calls with friends who are hours away.
the fact that they get it and it isn't hard to understand.
that there's a website where you can type in artists you enjoy and it will discover new ones for you.
the sound of my own voice in the shower.
when my eyes well up during worship.
how my dad is always genuinely happy to hear from me.
appreciation, given or received.
the way that tank tops conform to my body.
snuggling in to a warm bed in a cold room.
clean sheets.
a good book that keeps me up until 5 AM because i just, can't, put it down.
the fact that i give a damn good hug.
looking you in the eye and giving you a big smile.
coffee, in its many shapes, designs, formats, and occasions; always coffee.
text message conversations just because.
mango margaritas with maggie.
ice hockey spectating.
coffee shops, especially those that are open 24 hours a day.
the idea of myself, in a coffee shop, at 2 AM cramming for a test with fellow procrastinators.
catching up with an old friend.
that feeling after a good workout.
how much i really miss Rome.
long walks with my Mom.
screaming, talking, laughing at the top of my lungs.
how i always feel compelled to tell the absolute truth.
how i often feel crazy.
listening to two people have an entire conversation and feeling like i was an actual part of it without saying a single word.
facebook stalking.
photographing those moments in life that might have otherwise been forgotten.
making funny faces.
watching home movies of myself and having others be as entertained as i am by, well, myself.
the hope of what's to come.
waking up early.
the generosity of my friends.
discovering myself with him.
playing several hours of uno, and coming out even.
my new, careful obsession with sudoku.
mahjong, spider solitaire, catch phrase, & oceanopoly.
the thought of having children, me as a mother.
taking care of people.
giving back rubs.
the real end of a long arduous fight.
really having a grip on what i want to do next.
thinking about what i'm going to eat next.
slide tackling someone.
popping my ankle and knee.
going shopping, when i have the money and i'm really in the mood...I have to REALLY be in the mood.
love, always.
waking up the neighbors.
when I'm reading the Bible and it really starts to make sense.
my brother and sister.
having a place for everything and everything in its place, at least in my mind.
how you can sing at the top of your lungs at a concert and everyone else is just singing right along with you.
cooking, particularly of the chicken nature.
taking a day off from my routine to sleep.
how goofy i am when i wake up from a nap.
sitting on the couch with my roommate and watching tv.
the fact that i still want to learn to play guitar.
the fact that i know someone else who has just as many idiosyncrasies as i do.
that my best friend misses me just as much as i do him.
16 page long text messages.
that i never thought he existed, and maybe more that he actually does.
pilates, i think.
spaghetti, sushi, green tea, ice cream, quizno's, schroeders, black beans, peanut butter, fajitas & quesadillas.
violet, the color, and forest green too.
being on the outside of a terrible situation.
wearing my glasses and touching my eyeball because i can.
sweatpants and the fact that i just don't care.
hairholders - the best invention ever.
the thing that jason can do with his eyes.
the fact that i can call it a channel changer if i want to.
green apple slushies with real caramel in them - on a hot day of course.
the fact that i can go anywhere in rome and know at least 3-5 people.
how much better it feels after writing it all out.
talents.
hair clips and hot rolling my hair.
my cell phone.
ipods.
receiving flowers on special occasions.
when i actually do something i said i was going to do.
my handy dandy planner.
flossing my teeth while i'm driving.
listening to my ipod while i'm driving.
chewing on ice.
when it's okay to be outspoken.
remembering hannah, joy, & my granddaddy.
singing a duet with my roommate, rachel, jason, page, and whoever else wants to chime in.
my penguin calendar. hazelnut cream candles. incense.
Isabella and how she remembers my name and always runs to give me a hug.
collaging.
having a good idea and attempting a surprise.
Thanksgiving at my grandmother's.

The musings of a joyful girl (who often thinks a little too much)

 "Keep Breathing" - Ingrid Michaelson

I do believe, and I hope you'd agree that our minds are the strongest of our assets.
They decide and determine each of our movements from birth to our very last breath.
They are the means by which we conclude just who we dream to be, and through which these dreams are originally devised.
They are where we formulate the first syllables of the words we've heard;
where we've spent the first year stumbling through the muddled mess of baby speak to find expression, in ourselves.
This mushy mess of mater is where we hide our darkest secrets, where we go to pray, and somehow we manage to keep in there a memory of each and every other we've ever been, or seen, or wished to know.
The most incredible thing, to me, is that sometimes a memory, a want, or a yearning can come on suddenly...so powerfully as if out of thin air and overtake every single cell that might have been just moments before consumed in something else. How a scent, a sight, or a single note of a single song can elicit such an immediate and seemingly intuitive response that we have little choice but to acknowledge and...if we close our eyes long enough, relive it. Our simple minds also have the incredible ability to overcome the hardest of hardships; to shut down if it becomes too much for our meager bodies to handle; to protect us from the ignorance of others or better yet from ourselves.
It is our most precious container. A place where sometime things get a little jumbled up in there and a cloud of confusion is sensed amidst the normalcy of life. We sense that things are just a little bit askew.
In there we suddenly become violently aware of our bodies ability to live, and the beat of our heart, the pacemaker of thought, starts to race and likewise our thoughts do the same. And sometimes it decides that we are suddenly afraid of breath, because with it comes the reality of world that just does not seem to correlate with what we've thought of as right. Because inside our minds is ingrained the truth of how things ought to be.
Inside the mess of gray there are clearly written blacks and whites (the wrongs and the rights) and although we were taught from an early age to share and use kind words; there is some things deeper within our synapses that causes such an uncomfortable churning in our stomach, such a twinge in the muscle fibers of our heart that we know that we were meant for something so much more than this. And that even when all is right within the world, that it is still unwell.
Somehow, even when we cannot see or hear or speak of the uneasiness. Somehow, somewhere inside these brains of ours we know that this beautiful Earth was intended for something much more than it's current use.

We have the power to engage in life in such a way as God intended. To really give of ourselves completely, to everyone else. To really imprint permanently, positively in a way that those who come after us will be unable to ignore. To use our greatest assets in such a way that those around us know exactly what that uneasiness inside themselves in. So that they may not be lacking in the truth of Love in all of its capacities. Because we have an infinite ability to give Love and spread Love because His Love itself is infinite.

oh life.

"The Gambler" - fun. 

I think it's pretty incredible that you can meet someone and that an initial kinetic energy, a quick catch of the eye, and a subtle touch of skin as you share a laugh can turn into something so solid--something so sure that they promise to take care of you despite every one of your short comings and you are so sure of that promise that you take their name. From the moment we are born we take our father's name with the assured promise that our daddies will be just that, our daddies no matter what. Through all of the late nights spent rocking us back to sleep to the harsh words and spiteful actions of the teenage years. The love and security of a daddy is something that cannot be compared. And still we meet the one who carries us safely out of that childhood security blanket and into an awakened understanding of self. Of self with that someone else. And you finally understand just how, or atleast you hope to, your mom and dad loved each other so much that they were capable of creating and loving you. Because the loved contained between the two, between the ones who share a name, is just too much not to create something bigger and better than the two of them alone...and so the sacred cycle of life continues and two become one that then "once upon a time" become three.

Mission Statement

I will do this.
"Secrets" - One Republic

I will fulfilled, for once, a desire laid deep inside that I've yet to push myself towards.
"Don't Rain On My Parade" - Glee Cast

I will accomplish this, through every drop of sweat, every stitch in my side, & every cramp in my lung.
"Don't Stop Me Now" - Queen

I will prove this to myself.
"I Want Something To Live For" - The Rocket Summer

I will prove the breadth of my strength.
"Pride" - Syntax

I will do this for her. Because she never had the chance; her joy has permanently infected my soul.
"Street Lights" - Kayne West

I will banish all laziness and self-deprecating thoughts; I will embrace the beauty of me.
"Do Better" - Say Anything
 
I will accomplish all that is set before me with a renewed zest for life.
"Soldier" - Ingrid Michaelson

I will become the woman I would hope for my children to have.
"Psalm 145" - Shane & Shane

I am going to thrive on the blessing of each and every breath. Starting now.
"Hills and Valleys" - The Rocket Summer

big picture

"Do You Know The Way You Move Me"  - Cory Asbury

sometimes things go unnoticed until you take a step back and put the "big picture" into focus. once you can step away from all of the world and its constant buzz of activity and just take a look at the snapshots and moments in life you've captured. sometimes you'll realize that there were serendipitous moments left their for you that weren't meant to be discovered until you took a second glance. sometimes there are things we just cannot get until we've had a little more experience. a little more time to acknowledge the true importance of those little pauses in life that you felt compelled to stop and appreciate something you didn't even know was there.

sometimes, even still, we are taken by surprised and brought to a moment of complete transformation and revelation; even by something as simple as a hike, on a trail, on a random day, nothing particularly life changing...sometimes it can really make you stop and suddenly everything, everything and everyone really important comes sharply into focus.

Psalms 77:3 "I remember you, O God, and I groaned; I mused and my spirit grew faint. Selah"