Monday, March 16, 2009


My room is clean. Clean by my standards at least. :) Having managed to both dust and vacuum my room in a one week period is a miracle to be sure. I have found most recently that my mind continues to meanders to those who were once in my life. When my mind meanders like so I tend to bring these individuals up in conversation in an attempt, I do believe, to create a verbal memory, a living word out of my memory. I know now that they come to my mind, that I weep for them not because I need them back in my life, not that I need to grab them and shake them and tell them to change, not that I need to be their personal saviour. I weep freely for those I once loved, not out of pity for myself and the pains I might have once incurred, I weep for their souls. I weep for the souls I've seen. The souls I've known so tangibly, tasted so completely that I know they are there. You know what I mean? I weep for what I believe in each one of them could be. still. And when I weep, now I know is when I need to pray. I pray for them. For who they are and that their hearts will open, forgive, and finally be free to be.

I pray so hard for those who once were such a big part of this life. of my life. Who still have so much to live for and that maybe, just maybe, today will be their day.

"It's in the unraveling of life that we find God even more."

- Phillip LaRue