Tuesday, July 22, 2008

My Love & I - 7/21

I can easily say that yesterday was something I cannot really explain in a few words. Needless to say I was thoroughly surprised, blessed, and most definitely filled with LOVE! I'm going to post a few pictures for those who are close to me to look at on here but otherwise I would just much rather show and tell you the whole story in person!!!!
I love you all very much and want to thank you for the support you have given us throughout our relationship and the continued support, blessings, and love we receive from you! I especially appreciate the example each of your relationships has been to us, with God at the very center of us we know that everything is possible!

The prayer just before the proposal. "Lauren Taylor Dickson will you marry me?" - I said Yes of course :]

The ring, my families all there and together to celebrate Jason and I, My best friend since birth, Marlena. 

My love so pleased that he thoroughly surprised me.
I am so blessed.

And in that moment I was a girl seeing a woman become

Today, we'll just call it today because I have not yet fallen asleep. Was quite easily the most alive days of my life.
Today, July 21, 2008 my love came to the place where it all began and chose me as his own. Today. Not 4 months from now, not 8, not even a year but today. All of my negativity, all of my despair, all of my faithlessness disappearing as I walked into the cooler and saw that man. I didn't think about anything except that this was it, this was the moment I'd wanted, whether fully or dutifully, it was mine. Exactly how I'd wanted. Wanted. (theme of camp) And wanting is a very odd thing. My God was and is and has been so real. And he told me he'd show me, he'd give me that moment I was waiting for and I never knew until now just what that was. And I didn't cry, I laughed I smile so hard my heart and my face and my body on fire! The entire day filled with idle conversation, hazy thoughts, and everything as it is supposed to be.
Of course it was odd that I was working over at girl's camp after an entire summer of boys, or that Eric and Matt both were guarding me from ever going into the kitchen. But I had no idea. Not a one. And every single person knew. I am worth it. I am. I am not a liar or a cheat. I am in love with a man whom God designed just for me. And no distance or time or evil could ever keep me from my love for him. With God guiding me, with my faith and knowledge growing, possibilities unraveling, God has plans for me. He has plans for us bigger than I could even know at this very moment but he is revealing. He is!!!
Finally Joanna came through for lunch and the applesauce was empty, I told her I'd refill it for her and she'd asked for an orange instead. I breezed past Eric, never noticing he didn't try to stop me, and was so happy to see Marlena had come to eat lunch with us unexpectedly. I went into the cooler, wholeheartedly looking for that orange, and came out with fiery skin and a firm grip on his hand. He whisked me away with such determination I could not even tell you what was really said, "What are you thinking?", "This is surreal." Laughter and smiles and hand squeezes, so very us.
Around the Pod where we first met around to the very middle of Winshape with the green grass and blue skies and 100 degree weather. My sweet Georgia weather. Talking and telling me a sweet sweet love letter, right there in front of Normandy we stopped and faced one another. Silence. "Can we pray?"
A thanks thanks thanksgiving to the Lord and then, "Lauren Taylor Dickson, will you marry me?" "Yes."
box. ring. hand. hug. kiss!!!
He turned me facing out of Winshape to see my family and his at the bottom of the hill. Several Normandy Innkeepers at the top, my kitchen family peeking out around the wall and a crowd of counselors and campers giving us a standing "O"!
Hugs with the family, LOTS OF SMILES and pictures and time to think and breath and feel
Grand Chalet driving around for over an hour talking, Starbucks, Panera more time to breath at my house relaxing and making phone calls. Tears and happiness!
My love, my life.
He's da best.

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

see you soon :]

It's the act of living, it's the nagging weight of yourself rushing out of you as your chest makes room for another's embrace.
It's the feeling right before the stars awaken in her little eyes.
The moment right before recognition,
how this little person takes the time to fully comprehend your magical appearance before rejoicing in your return. How the little light traces circles from her iris to her pupils, before she's learned how to hide the mind at work, wheels spinning and then she says your name very soft and quiet at first,
a little whisper filled with wonder. And then the world explodes to life as your name becomes the single resonating sound in the room and 20 pounds of energy with starburst eyes beams herself across the room and into your arms.
How weightless she feels when you hear the pure trust of a child in her laughter, when she chatters away every single one of her secrets as you toss her up and up and up and up and up and up, and turn and turn and turn and turn the doorknob, and jump again and again and again and again. There is no such thing as boredom, idle thoughts strictly prohibited in a world without stop signs or cellphones.

It's fast paced and free and that little girl can only begin to imagine just how her smile has given you yours.  

Runners, until the race is run

And it seems to me I'm living, sometimes, between myself and my mind
Sing out, sing loud and long, sing something's worth living, for
There's the ones you've known and the ones you've only just met
and in the beginning, it's always more exciting, elating, filled than the end.
The weight of the end suffocates you inside, paralyzes, for the very notion of perfection is offensive to reality
an impossible word for those of us, living here.
Searching for the sign, for that moment in time when you feel
Him. To search without hope is hopeless, to live without faith
And even when we know that we know that we know, how do we amount?
When is everything, atleast for a good while, okay?
When do we stop the worry, the questioning, the backstabbing, heart wrenching, heartbreaking, judgment of him and then and she and I and us.
When do we let ourselves go, give it up, and truly live, again, like before we'd been buried.
Like we've erased, excised & removed the moments we were broken,
left alone,
spit out,
raped, or
And when you feel the freedom knocking and can't seem to find the door,
because the inside of yourself is something worth missing
for the prospect of someone else's self to consume,
join you in there.