february 13th

to hold you closer in the broad daylight
as you walk through the door, you yourself tug, at every single one of the notes you've ever sung, ever left inside of me
each of them separated in neat little rows
winding through
in, and in and out
and tomorrow will be just like any other day, and the day after that

but today
this weather
was worthy of a photograph, was worthy of standing still
on a wind worn oceanlit sand in the middle of February
it might've been the outline of your tanned head
shoulders, arms
torso, pelvis
thinning legs, the muscles in your calves
even your heels
and still i've never felt you
and still you rarely call, rarely do you hear me
even when i'm screaming, singing, kicking, laughing
with, at, around, beside you

so the sand goes unsettled
the sun balance-beams across the sky, it rains
midday

and we went to school & to work
we drank our coffee, dripping wet
i suck the drops off my own skin, my own

you never saw me leave, even when the bell rang, you didn't look up--not once