Some things just cannot be stumbled upon, on a completely different note. They seek after you, creep up upon you, when you least expect it. When you are at your most vulnerable, completely oblivious--that is when and where it, when He meets you. I am in such a good place in life, I am surrounded by those who love me earnestly and it is only now; right now in this moment that I have come alive to that reality. It is an alive moment that continously reveals itself. It's a levels sort of thing when all you want is it all, and you want it now. It is the true act of Patience. The beauty of a gradual unfolding of truth, and life, and the sincerity of all that life has to offer. It is Hope in and amongst what is said to be Darkness. It is the ability, the freedom, to turn off, tune out, and engage in that what is truly deserving of our greatest concern. I continue to be reminded that this is our, this is My one Life. My one and only time to be the person who doesn't make me want to cringe when I speak. It was only today that I began to understand what it was that Jesus did on the cross. Seriously. It was on the way here that I heard a man speaking about how The Lord was completely separated from God on the cross in order to bare the sins of the world. It was the Separation that I understood. Not the sacrifice but the separation, the separation that is entirely second nature to so many of us today. I'm not sure if I've ever known life without some degree of separation from my God. Not disbelief, rather, a distance neverceasing wonder of exactly what this; what this relationship was all about. It was with that simple understanding today that my distance was put into perspective. I put my wants, my dillusions, and my "intention" above and between a real, earnest Giving Myself Away kind of relationship with Him...And I can already tell that this relationship is not, would not be one of stoic ruling...It can be a passionate, all encompassing, never fearing enslavement of all I am to Him. Every single fiber of myself given and graced by Grace itself...To be amongst a relationship...An Earnest, Stripped Away relationship with the one who bares all of the ugliness that ever existed....and all of the Joy....and all of the Life & Death...to be filled with it all, always.
Thank you for this deeper understanding and for my continued seeking and changing.
*Listen to Brooke Fraser's "C.S. Lewis Song"....it's what got me started on this