I have to say that this entire dissecting experience has been quite the myriad of thoughts, emotions, and experiences. After the first day I came home and bursted into tears in Jason's arms. The reality that this was once a person with his own family and his own thoughts. To think of him doing his daily activities, like putting on cologne or hugging his grandchildren; reading a book at night as he fell asleep or drinking his morning cup of coffee. Yes, it was a bit too much for me to handle, the finality of it all.
Both of my teachers were incredibly intuitive to this and expressed to me that it was not only normal but imperative that I feel this way. They told me to never loose that empathy and compassion for others. It made my heart swell to realize that what I considered to be a weakness was actually a rare gift I'd been trying to suppress.
It makes me think on all of the experiences through high school and college that tried to rip and tear away my compassion. Because in this worldy world it is greater to be soulless then to be overwhelmed by the weight of souls. And these realizations, these ideas are the ones that must be stuck. These are the kinds of life points that are necessary to write down. To be remembered, because no child should ever have to think that in order to survive they must "grow a tough skin".
I am so grateful, then, for the dread I feel every day I have to delve deeper into this human body; because the weight of the unknowns in this man's life weight heavy on me. And I am constantly aware of the gravity of how precious the soul is as I peer into each cavity of this shell. Because without our soul we are nothing but this, something to be cut up and examined. And yet, as I put my hands into his heart, I am still incredibly amazed with every turn of an artery and every tightly clinched valve at just how intricate and perfectly placed every single aspect of us is.
1 comment:
I can't even begin to imagine how powerful that would be. I had to have an echo done on my heart (I think that's what it is ... like a sonogram, but on the heart), and that was really, really emotional to turn around and see my heart beating on the screen.
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