caffeinated Joy.

I've never felt so heartbroken
never felt so inept
never felt so embarrassed, disrespected and regret
as if i were thrown in the gutter
tossed carelessly aside
as all the others sit and wonder how, what, when, and why?

...I've never been called to question
and now i don't know what i would say
twisted and turned, pulled completely out of my life
totally ripped away
for what?

does it feel better now
to be without
is it nice to know you've broken me
completely
is it nice to know i feel so small

and it's worse because i know you, love you
it's worse because i know it'll never be the same
it's worse because i'm aching from a punch i never asked to be thrown
it's worse because i'm sick at my stomach
it's worse to feel ashamed