Sunday, April 8, 2007

when finally set free

Yours was the first, albeit the worst
and yet a belief inside--i'd never find
in another. the first, northern glowing lights
experience, a horrible, mismashed, stick and turn and stick once more
slimy experience. to break the fall
lessen the tremor. such a big heart you had, have
i miss you.
second, learning together
up you went, we grew
good God, i miss
laughter -- chocolate running -- grass hands -- ice
mismatched eyes -- cream poetry pictures --
yours and mine, family
the end from lack of sleep & growth
(i skipped a few)
a cross on his neck and back and boots
to match, to fit between the gap in his two front teeth
but when he was - there - God
tick tick
roads driven at speeds
tick tick tick
on paved gray platforms
bare backs, grass, the sky and brass bars
tick - i hate to say this, don't need
want to say this - between a whistling teeth
nothing more than that, not a thing

in the rain, one day, you fell on me
i found you worth saving in front of everyone
i learned how it felt to be
the one to hurt another
and i reveled in it, i reveled in the change of scenery
all night, early morning, day
drank, you did, and i it in
you--it was only because of who you were to me, and your grip
and your scared eyes searching everywhere but me
i want you to look at me, you did

you were the best
you took me for everything i was
you know who i could be
you took who i could be
you were nothing i needed
i deserve none of you
there is none of you ever worth deserving
waste you still
hurt me
and you think you deserve? the skill you gave

you, to me, are worth nothing less than the worsening of a progression into hell
we're done.

onward, drunken, onward flying--whipping--lashing
walls, windows, showers open onto backyards, single
naked smoke curling, tempting a dream to become
front stoops, the shot, the stare, the word
words, pictures, notes, things needing to be typed
message, massage, a mess
a candle, a movie--three movies--chocolate
coffee, eggs, residue--alcohol bloody legged last year's being
a failed beginning--a chancing mid--ending apology for everything
taken, away, for granted
you're the sweetest, greatest, most wonderful girl in the world. why thank you.

1--you know the before in me i never had. you took me, thank you.
2--several times, not much to say.
4--not worth mentioning, not worth the words you've got stuck in your head that you're allowed to write. good luck.

there was a time
when it all just was
and there, you were, accumulating everything
the shit and the wonder
since then no other
by choice, i've been here
i'm here and i dream of something, anything
deja vu's & sweet memories i've imagined and remember when i wake

these are.
we don't live here anymore.
me and you and everyone
we know.

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