Tuesday, January 30, 2007

for everything we're "meant to be"

and on days like today
when the layers cannot eat (or hide) the chill from my skin
when my legs are paled and naked to the earth
and i'm running on a tred
that takes me to no where (and everywhere)

when your skin on mine
the words of this song in my ears
he sings
it's all that i can give, my everything
joy (for we are joyful, aren't we?, after all)

when it all seems so easy
when what we want becomes a meager reality,
when we, as nothing more than human beings, we win
we get what we've always wanted
what we've wept on broken knees for
alone, among company
to him
when what we want becomes a reality we've forgotten we were ever afraid of

when it all seems so easy and we embrace it
we are no longer imperfection
kisses on cheeks
your hand holds mine and it is
nothing more
or less
are we really these human beings? are we really breathing like the rest of them
is it really this

i look to the left at myself
farther still to you
and that tiny shutter inside of my heart
am i truly waking up again?
i won't say i'm scared, or lost
or confused
His love never confused me
but to've forgotten, to've passed it by
to've known and still not answered

for you
i will
be still
and utter
you've written

with my eyes closed
i sing
one note

but with my eyes closed, i hear an entire symphony

it's you
and it's possibility
i taste the pistil of summer honeysuckle dripped on my tongue
i taste that sweet memory
and the trees with their convincing branches who wrote there names all over my jeans (before the scars that is)

with acceptance comes the flood
the pulsing of the music of the blood in your
you will remember with each rekindled breath
the pain
His suffering
His blood
i never deserved and it's so hard to
not accept
not understand
not even believe

but live
to live inside the pulls of his blood
to taste it on my cracked, infested lips
pieces of him, chunks
thread there way hap-hazardly down
my infected throat
my body
he finds no familiar place, he finds no room left in his home

but, BUT
that...that rejection
those are mine
and His are all the good in me.
my everything.
my God i am thankful

have me be something extraordinary
always you love me
i am meant to love, teach me

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