on You

certainly, he said, you know how it's supposed to go
and she'd sigh because in time she never really thought they'd be
seperately spoken phrases of the same thought
they both thought
in the arms, on the line of another
you can clearly see, what once and never was to be
and be
driving, talking, drinking while along the familiarity of home, 75
alone again the way you quietly kind of like it
and this tie that binds truly changes your mind
your heart, hurting to be, grown
up and out of this mind you've gotten yourself into
dear me, can't you see, you know how it's supposed to be
and they sigh because with time it's a hard thing to realize
let go, and months go by with nothing to say
birthdays turn to something like an eclipse
we can no longer look each other in the eye for past mistakes missed
did we miss it?
and God's given us this, him, it for a reason
and we chose not to accept that each is a given plan
taking us to our full potential,
trying in vain to refute, reclaim a self we never real owned
because on my own,
on her own she is nothing more than a kiss, a touch
a trimmer of sinful self between a sheet
but in his, His, eyes I am so much more
and so thank you for
the one who sang to me when i was young, and sings to me still
and thank you for
the one who saw, more in me then even i saw, he saw You
and thank you for
the one who made, me on this earth and held me even when I was fully grown, at my weakest
Thank you
for those who've advantaged, and torn because without it I would surely be less aware of, You.
and how funny it seems that the bits of humanity i lost, leave me all the more aware of your grace
and forgiveness. and if i could write something like this, in every moment of my thought and speak and
day i would.
i would.

My Last Year Here!!!!

I have been in Milledgeville now for two weeks and can honestly say I am excited about this coming school year. My clinical assignment this semester is with Mount de Sales Academy in Macon, GA and the athletic trainer there, Jenna, is pretty fantastic. Last week I spent pretty much every day (6:30 AM - 8 PM) in Macon with the football team during their three a day practices. I guess I'd forgotten just how immature high school boys are, however, it is refreshing to see myself around them, to really experience myself becoming the adult in the situation. I am proud of myself for being able to appropriately reprimand  them when they do reach extraordinary heights of rude and crude behavior while at the same time stay cool, calm, and relaxed during a situation which I know in the past would have brought me to my wits end. I am loving the fact that I am now able to assess an entire situation before reacting. Just a little self observation, Go Me. :) So I am fairly certain school will start off without a hitch and I have already been approached (sort of) with job opportunities in Macon upon graduation...a little light at the end of my diploma-obtaining horizon.

Things on the home front are still somewhat rocky (with the parentals) but my mother and I had the beginnings of a conversation today I am hoping will come in to complete fruition tomorrow. I am just praying for the strength to remain respectful in a situation where I would otherwise most definitely lose my cool. I will write more about it once things have been fully resolved. I have found such a deeper faith in myself and my abilities--due in part to my ever increasing faith in God and his gift of Jason and his belief in me! 

Jason truly is my stronghold. He never lets me say negative things about the one he loves (:)) and never fails to remind me at any random moment during the day just what a blessing I am to him. He, however, is truly the one who has blessed and changed my life! 

I should be sleeping right now but I opted instead to look through a wedding magazine I bought a week or so ago and rip out and write down any ideas I had. Thanks to Maggie and her amazing wedding planning material I have begun to put together my own notebook of ideas as well as carry around a little notepad to write all of my random ideas on....Both Maggie and Annie have been THE BIGGEST help and encouragement to me during this extremely important and exciting time for Jason and I. I love them and am so thankful they are my soon to be sisters!!! (Now if I could just tell you WHEN exactly that would occur then I would just be bubbling over with happiness....)

Jason and I have decided that along with planning for the wedding we are going to read a book a month as a tool to help us plan for our MARRIAGE. This commitment, on top pre-marital counseling, the pre-marital retreat, personal experience from our close friends and family, and our own diligent spirits; I am confident we are preparing for this marriage in the most responsible means possible! 

There are times, like now, when it is really hard (and can often feel unfair) to be the eldest child. You are typically the first one to experience or take the leap into something your parents have never experienced: the first to date, the first to get a cell phone, the first to drive, the first to stay out late, the first to go to college, and now the first to get married. I suppose I'd rather it be me then my sister or brother and am thankful that God has created me with such tough skin and a diligent spirit; this is just one of those times when you wish that "first born" mentality wouldn't apply. 

I am hesitantly hopeful for tomorrow and excited for the coming months. This year has been so full of new beginnings, leaps of faith, and even new lives being formed I cannot wait to see what's in store!!