Wednesday, October 10, 2007

just something

there are lots of things going on inside of me right now. lots. and i keep more to myself then i have in years. i keep to myself and up with him and trying to figure it all out. all of it, slowly.
i would like to write fiction. i would like to get a good night's sleep, in a warm bed, in a cold room with the air conditioner running full blast (or maybe just the windows open with a cold cold air rushing in, yeah that would be much better). i would like to fall asleep with a smile. i would like to run again, for real. i would like to feel like an important part of the greater whole, not that i don't, really, already feel like that but maybe something more along the lines of a team all working towards one goal, together. something i know i can do, something tangible. i would love to be overwhelmed on a regular basis.
all of these keep me quiet. all of these keep me thinking. all of these...
things are changing. shifting. people are shifting. and nothing is the same as it was 5 months ago. nothing is familiar to what it was 2 years ago. one year ago.
things, people, and ways are cleaving apart. i cannot explain to you who i am or who i want to be come but if you love me you will be patient. love is understanding and i hope to understand.

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