This love outlasted the jitters and butterflies that accompany newfound romance. It was not dependent on external beauty; it did not rise and fall with the ebb and flow of life.

- Steven Furtick

this awakening

and there's things that you have seen, that you'll never really know
and these people that we've met, well they'll come and they'll go
and the love you've seen in movies is much less than you could know
within each of us, there's a heart begging to grow
throbbing beats of daily living, itching towards a quickened pace
we're all aching for the giving of more than just what is.

don't be deceived by their superheroes, by the morbid morality of our time
search yourselves, see the light, in each of us--we'll awake tonight.

and there's something to be said for choosing not to speak
for the giving up of what you thought you knew, for what you can become
the trusting of the self they see, when you see nothing left to love
and there's the tumbling of fingers, familiar as the pianist against his keys
when every beat of a heart felt is worthy of reflection--
a time when a cup of coffee and two souls made it all worth living for.

don't be deceived by their superheroes, by the morbid morality of our time
search yourselves, see the light, in each of us--we'll awake tonight.

and it's hard to live when you're not perfect
even harder still to see,
that we choose to hurt, to burn, to greed and want
while with the ignorance of humanity, chastise those who fight to bleed.
the world sure is a sickening place, if you live for it alone
should love strike us homeless, compelled rather to give of all we own
we'll thank God for his grace to see, how little we're alone.

don't be deceived by their superheroes, by the morbid morality of our time
search yourselves, see the light, in each of us--we'll awake tonight.

T-minus 364 days and counting...

This week has been quite hectic and with that said was somewhat nice to have a day like today. Although I am frustrated by several things in life right now it is always nice to have God give you those moments, phrases, reminders that everything will work out accordingly so long as he is in control. I know I have things to work on in the next year, for example studying more intently his Word and developing a much more fervent prayer life. But I feel with Jason as my companion that I cannot really go wrong. He is my encourager and constant reminder that everything is not WRONG with the world, which tends to be my mind set when I let my shortcomings get the best of me. Today we finished our second marriage book, "Countdown for Couples" and we most definitely enjoyed this one more than the first. At the end of every chapter it gives you discussion questions on the topic, some are rather involved and some are "just for fun". It was a great book that challenged us to talk about several issues we had either not thought about or had seemingly been avoiding. At the end of the last chapter there was a verse I found particularly provoking:

Philippians 4:8

"Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things."

Jason always repeats some semblance of this verse to me whenever i get on one of my "doldrums, humbug" kicks. It's beyond explaining how much difference it makes just for someone to know that you are maybe not feeling in the most positive of spirits and to remind you (through God's words nonetheless) that you must stay focused on the which is true, noble, right, lovely and excellent!!! Too often I get caught up in all thats wrong and forget what is right!!!

So earlier this evening I was on front campus working on a project with a friend of mine when I noticed these nicely dressed individuals walking from downtown towards campus. I then noticed one of them was most definitely was wearing a wedding dress!! They meandered up into campus and proceeded to have several of their wedding party photographs taken. It was surreal, exactly one year from now that will be me, at Berry (hopefully a few at Winshape :):):)) getting married to the one who God's given me to spend the rest of my life with.

Just wow. :)

So apparently...

For all of my life I have been pronouncing cacophony wrong, and not just a little incorrectly either pretty much utterly and completely wrong in every way.

I do not enjoy when this happens, not at all. Why was I not informed of this at an early date? It is hard to change something like that when it sounds so right to you.

Sigh, how unfair the English language is.

Our first "REAL" trip to the Bergens

Jason and I just got back from our first REAL roadtrip to visit Maggie and Charlie at their home in North Carolina!! I am updating this because it was a wonderful weekend with amazing weather and stunning scenery and, although I took many pictures from today, I do not want to forget the wonderful memories that were made. Jason and I left earlyish Saturday morning, after Starbucks and Chik-fil-a (the guilt-ridden essentials), and arrived (after taking the SCENIC route past the Cherokee Casino and through Maggie Valley) at the Bergens a little after 12:30. We were greated with eager, open arms for a day filled with activity!!! Maggie, being the most amazing hostest that she is, presented Jason and I with a wonderful candle that looked just like wood to remind us of our first trip to the mountains!!! We drove to downtown Waynesville to eat at Nick & Nate's and ran smack dab into the middle of a festival! We ate and spent the entire afternoon browsing all the little shops downtown. The boys smoked their cigars while we shopped and drank coffee. :)
We returned to their home to unwind and spent the rest of the evening watching FRIENDS (which made me laugh uncontrollably, forgot how wonderful that show is!!!), eating dinner (and Maggie's fantastic, HOMEMADE apple cobbler), and playing Texas Hold' em! We all settled in to watch a movie and/or get some much needed sleep!!
Today, we woke up and ate breakfast and then headed off to go "church hunting"!!! We ended up at "Vine of the Mountain" a community church just outside where we had spent our time the day before. It was quite an experience, it actually reminded me alot of my church at home in Rome. Having attended 12Stone pretty regularly for the past year now it was nice to hear familiar hymnals being sung with the contemporary twist of a guitarist leading worship. They had plenty of praise and worship and a guest speaker with several good points! All in all a unique and lovely experience! Afterwards we headed back downtown to eat lunch and finally ended up at this little Patio diner place we'd seen the day before on our endevour. After lunch we debated on what to do and ended up visiting a very quant antique shop (something they have a lot of there which i LOVED!!!) and then headed into Maggie Valley (I think...) to visit the shops there. After some browsing we drove around until, I think, Charlie spotted the mini-golf place and we all agreed that was the best idea!!! Apparently some of my golf skills from my lessons as a child stuck around, Charlie and I ended up tying :) much to the dismay of Jason and Maggie ;)
The mini golf range ends up in an arcade area where we used several of our quarters left from poker the night before to test grip strengths and play JACKPOT!! Now, here's where things really got interesting, I'm not sure if any of you have ever played or even know what that game is but growing up...it was always my secret obsession. Sure, you play ski ball and air hockey and free throw but when it really gets down to it...I would spend half of my coins trying to get that roaming light to land square on the JACKPOT! All of us decided to divey up the quarters and play just that. Charlie went first, then Maggie, then Jason and finally...I did.
The first two quarters I got round abouts the Jackpot, 8 and then 10, on the third though..I decided to count how much time it was in between each time it hit the Jackpot and try it that way....needless to say, third times the charm. IT WORKED!!! I stood there stunned. I had just fullfilled my childhood dream and all we could do was just stare. We laughed and cheered as the tickets rolled out of the machine. Seriously though, those things never happen to me. We were such little kids as we gathered up our earning and headed to the counter. We ended up with the water ballon sling shot, 4 sets of vampire teeth (the only thing Jason wanted), 4 tattoos, 4 parachute men, and a slinky for maggie. Afterwards we celebrated with milkshakes from the Dairy Bar and a series of viscious vampire toothed pictures!!
We sadly left a little after six and spent the entire ride home enjoying the view and discussing the rest of our life together!!!!
The Bergens are such an amazing couple to be around and I am so thankful for their LIFE, energy, enthusiasm and family that they are!! Thank you for sharing your city & lives with us!!

Figure it Out

I guess in my own unconscious sort of way I have already begun to prepare my body for a wedding that is over a year away. I'm more aware of what I eat, I've been riding my bike to and from and all around campus every day, and attempting to take some sort of care of my hair and skin. I say all this to say that once you know that one of the most important days of your life is just around the corner (sort of) you cannot help but be aware of EVERYTHING. I think and think and think and imagine everything from the attendants to the guest to the DRESS to the flowers to how we will get there, where we will take the pictures, what pictures exactly need to be taken, and EVERYTHING in between. 

I wouldn't say I'm stressed, well that would be lying because I've never known myself to think about anything and not feel some sort of angst to have it accomplished, and accomplished JUST RIGHT. My school work isn't really hard right now, per say, it's just that I've bumped back and forth between Rome and Milledgeville for the past 4 years of my life. It's mind boggling to comprehend that in a mere  8 months my time here will be permanently finished, chapter closed (and a very long chapter it's felt like indeed). I cannot say I am sad to leave, nostalgic for friends I once had and experiences I'll remember, Yes. But I know that what's to come is so much more than this, almost like this was just the extended, awkward middle school between my Rome life and my new life soon to begin with Jason.

It's something completely new, this state of my life, and I never know how to adjust to change. I guess you cannot ever really know how to BE until you are there. And so I love, I live, I smile, and I laugh. I read God's word and earnestly yearn to learn, know, and love more. Truly.

Aside from all of these ambiguous thoughts if I could just say one thing it would be that everyone needs to own a bike, wake up extra early, and ride it one morning. Just ride, destination in mind, and notice just how cleansing it is to feel the cool September morning on your legs, your arms, your face.

I most definitely suggest taking your iPod as your own personal soundtrack along for the ride.

on You

certainly, he said, you know how it's supposed to go
and she'd sigh because in time she never really thought they'd be
seperately spoken phrases of the same thought
they both thought
in the arms, on the line of another
you can clearly see, what once and never was to be
and be
driving, talking, drinking while along the familiarity of home, 75
alone again the way you quietly kind of like it
and this tie that binds truly changes your mind
your heart, hurting to be, grown
up and out of this mind you've gotten yourself into
dear me, can't you see, you know how it's supposed to be
and they sigh because with time it's a hard thing to realize
let go, and months go by with nothing to say
birthdays turn to something like an eclipse
we can no longer look each other in the eye for past mistakes missed
did we miss it?
and God's given us this, him, it for a reason
and we chose not to accept that each is a given plan
taking us to our full potential,
trying in vain to refute, reclaim a self we never real owned
because on my own,
on her own she is nothing more than a kiss, a touch
a trimmer of sinful self between a sheet
but in his, His, eyes I am so much more
and so thank you for
the one who sang to me when i was young, and sings to me still
and thank you for
the one who saw, more in me then even i saw, he saw You
and thank you for
the one who made, me on this earth and held me even when I was fully grown, at my weakest
Thank you
for those who've advantaged, and torn because without it I would surely be less aware of, You.
and how funny it seems that the bits of humanity i lost, leave me all the more aware of your grace
and forgiveness. and if i could write something like this, in every moment of my thought and speak and
day i would.
i would.