industrial size fan on our ceiling

life's incrementing artistry - lives intertwined
filled with the hope of a better way - an unpained breath
and living, in a world where few really seek happiness,
God it's hard --but your life is your own
and ever increasing with those you'd never otherwise've known
before, that moment
that exact moment that fell, falling, fallen
into place with your mistakes--the ones that made you rip away at
any one who wasn't everyone else.
you were alone
in a room, compartmented for something like a better comprehension
and a moment you'd attempted that suddenly became months, after it'd been days
slipping into something less is so much easier than expectation
than hoping you could be something slightly out of the ordinary.
(than hoping for, lack of a better word, love)
and when your guts stuck between the clenching knuckles of someone whose first pet you'd never name, whose sister you'd never meet
a hand you'd never hold--filling yourself with the joys of the world
joy?
and when we paused tears fell.
we fell to our knees never caring that the bones crept through our skin
the blood trickling steadily down the slopes of our curving legs and arms
we were fascinated by something like an escape from him, or her, or it
manifested realities--YOU CHOOSE THEM, something we seem to forget
from the lower cased existence they were all so pleased with--we screamed
into my pillow late at night, i bite til' i bled and i bet you didn't know you were
are--my inflammatory system--inflamed, scabbing, pulsing, cleaving edema
a friendly bruise, a forgotten x amount of time before you
an entire span of time unscathed, had i known you existed i would've better prepared
myself for your coming, but then falling might've never felt so sweet
complete, worthy of the scars, shaking hands with those who'd forgot
thankful we left ourselves unsettled, depressed
suffocating until the day
never did i ever know what it felt like to want to live
creating smothering satisfaction

we are anything but ordinary
however, when our bodies aline all the world leaps up
crashes down,
falls away like when a very large waves first hits the city
wipes away instantly, everything that once seemed to matter
empty clear land, wet from the demolition
you are my possibility; my clear, clean reason
you're my oceanic hurricane, stirring, spitting--everything
we find ourselves in the eye
cross legged, together
silently staring
into you and me and it's as simple
as complex as you and i sitting
still, staring
and i don't have to explain because you already know what i mean
you already knew, this is what i would say

"Interstate Love Song" - Stone Temple Pilots

retreat

retreat

there are certain things and places; from birth I've been told to believe in
and we've all been convinced of something, of sadness
inevitability. the laze at the end of a hard earned day,
the gaze into nothing but, except, the wires whose tips tap haphazardly into one another
spark, flip, contort and awkwardly twist -- a bright, sudden light from the graying edges
a life suddenly lit where before there was none.
not even the moistened tip of a tongue could procure.
these things and moments and people we've become so accustomed to, so unenthused
that when we find something worth living for we're scared?
scared to breath faster
scared to kiss open mouthed, open eyed
ease out of apathy into a new way of thinking
of feeling again, to realize you were changed by the mismatched wires in the past
the connect, conduct, build
current -- it's electric
alive. living.
day by days that feel like months
that feel like a tinge of what we might should've learned from the get go
a nod to what we've done, a forward footed dash into what we'll be.